Coach's Corner

Why Marriage Beats Cohabitation

One of the great myths of our day is that couples who want to be certain of compatibility can find confirmation by living together. In many ways it is an ‘experiment’ or ‘test drive’ to see if a specific partner is marriage material. There is no question that it is important to be sure and to avoid mistakes with such an important decision, yet I see this as one of the great myths of our culture as poll after poll confirms the chances of divorce are higher when couples have chosen to cohabit before deciding to be married (see article here). It is an astonishing statistic, but it’s the truth.

From a Christian perspective, God desires that sexual relations be experienced by a man and a woman who have committed themselves in Holy Matrimony. Sexual relations outside marriage, including sex prior to marriage, are explicitly forbidden in Scripture (Acts 15:20; 1 Cor. 6:9,13,18; Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess.4:3). Why this boundary? Because sexual relationships before marriage damage the fulfillment of God’s purposes in marriage. We need to remember that sex was, and is God’s idea; that sex is not a ‘dirty’ word, but a beautiful gift that is to be experienced between a husband and a wife to deepen the bond of a fully committed relationship. The primary purpose in marriage is oneness – mutual fulfillment, exclusive loyalty, and intimate identity in all of life (Genesis 2:18, 24; Ephessians 5:21-32).

There are several negative consequences to cohabitation, one of which is barriers that are built up between us and God when we choose to ignore His standards and do our own thing. Furthermore, there is possibility that an unwanted pregnancy can occur as well as many heartbreaking experiences when individuals who have been intimate with us decide to leave us.

Marriage gives us the opportunity to experience a human relationship that is like no other. It gives us an opportunity to know and be known on an intimate level. Marriage gives us the opportunity to commit and be loyal to one another in sickness and in health, whether in riches or in poverty as long as we live on this side of heaven. There is tremendous safety and blessing when we keep matrimony ‘holy’ and not simply an ‘experiment’ or ‘test drive.’

I conclude with this powerfully inspired Scripture: LOVE is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends…

Posted February 01, 2010