Coach's Corner

Are You Multi-Lingual?

I can remember taking French class back in high school and asking the question most students across North America ask, “What good is this going to do for me 10 years from now?” French, Spanish, Greek class...it doesn’t matter; and in fact if we were honest, most of us really were not all that interested in “broadening” our linguistic horizons. 18 years removed from high school and I’ve re-thought my stance that a working knowledge of a second language could have come in handy! It amazes me how people can learn to communicate in 2, 3, even 4 different languages...and do so fluently. It certainly opens up a wide range of possibilities in life.

Now if you’re anything like me (and one of me is enough!), you probably have learned a lesson or two in how to communicate in a relationship.  Whether you’re married, single or have children, we’re all ingrained with distinct and natural ways of receiving and initiating communication.  I’ve come to learn a harsh reality in life that, in most situations, unhappiness in marriages and families often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages!  We all have the need to love and to be loved, and we all express and communicate that in distinct means.  What if we could learn how to be multi-lingual in our love and expression languages?  Could that possibly make relationships, and life, a little more sensible?

I first discovered Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages back in bible college, and initially I figured it was one of those fluffy books that were idealistic and unrealistic.  Well now it is one of the best sellers in the market area of family and marriage communication...so what do I know?  While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, Dr. Chapman identifies these five love languages as the basis for relationship communication:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

The premise is this: if we can identify our love language(s) and what they mean, as well as to identify the love language of our spouse and/or children…life can be much easier and stress-free.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to guess at why my wife was acting a certain way, or why a “sweet and sincere” gesture on my behalf wasn’t well received ("Honey, I thought you’d like that vacuum cleaner!").  We’re all wired a certain way, and when you know your wiring system, it makes the communication bridge a whole lot shorter!

So maybe I’ve been talking for years about taking a second language class, and perhaps I’ll even follow through on it someday. But for now, I’ll concentrate more on being a multi-lingual love language guy...hey...wives dig it!  Let us know your thoughts on your own “Love Language” journey.

Pastor Shawn McKnight

Posted February 03, 2007